Wednesday, August 4, 2010

the girl with the conserative ear

finally gotta round to reading Klinghoffer's ode to conservatism. Hee-fucking-larious! Don't really think he thinks so. Seems quite serious. but that makes it even funnier.

Take this little gem, perhaps my favourite elucidation of the principle of conservatism, because i did not know that
"The idea of purpose in the cosmos was central to the conservative vision."

And here I always figured they were just a bunch of nihilistic, money-grubbing, me-first assholes, a gluttonous gullet their only moral compass. But, apparently, they have a "purpose."

Okay, I'll play along.

So, what is this 'purpose in the cosmos" that conservatism sees as central to its vision? And whose vision is this? We stumble upon the answer thusly,
Another icon on the right, Whittaker Chambers, described in his 1952 memoir, "Witness," the moment he awoke from his earlier communism: It was upon looking closely one day at his young daughter's ear. Noting the exquisite beauty, the evidence of "immense design" shook him. He could never again subscribe to the secular, materialist dream.*
Which sounds vaguely like how the whole Morman thing started out, but nonetheless, ah, ha! What vision! the ear, of course, the ear! ahhh, it all makes sense now. We must embrace the money-grubbing, me-first asshole conservative vision of the cosmos because of the fine and delicate form of Whittaker Chambers' daughter's ear! Yes! I see it now!

I am saved.

Now, I have no idea how one, exactly, manages a trip from the delicate curl of a youthful earlobe to money-grubbing, me-first asshole, but that doesn't matter! I am saved!

I am saved.

* materialist dream is not part of conservatism? what fucking conservative planet does Klinghoffer live on? 'Cuzin' it sure ain't the one I see, where all them conservatives view "property rights" sacrosanct. To most conservatives, a choice between free speech and property rights is a no-brainer. Literally. Klinghoffer and the rest of the dreamy-eyed fantasylanders need to crawl out of the imagined clouds of an imagined conservatism. In this world, a racist William F. Buckley argued for segregation and the preservation of white power. Conservatism is about preserving the status quo. Stop with this vision nonsense.

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